HAPPILY EVER AFTER?

I love movies.  All kinds.  I have a few favorite genres like most people I guess:  comedies, action films, and definitely war movies, which I believe deserve a category all to themselves.  Like most hopeless romantics, I use to thoroughly enjoy the ideal sappy, mushy, they lived happily ever after chick flick.  There is just something about a rugged looking man who storms in to declare his endless love for a beauty who thought she was destined to be alone. Have you ever seen a Jane Eyre movie?  Inspired by her books, they are the epitome of the ultimate happily ever after love story.  They tend to sweep me away to a time of innocence and romance, arranged marriages and forbidden loves.  I could get lost in the dream of it all. 

I use to think that life was always like a fairy tale movie, complete with deep passion and unending romance.  I suppose it has been in some ways.  I mean, my husband is romantic and now as I look back over our story there are PLENTY of things that could’ve come out of a movie, especially if it were a comedy.  Somehow, it’s just different than I had expected.  I think that no matter how wonderful or hard our life is, we all get to a point where we realize that relationships hardly ever play out like they do on the TV screen and that life is nowhere close.  Over the years, my desires have certainly changed and I have had many moments where my bubble was burst so to speak.  This was not necessarily caused by any person in particular, but just by the reality of life.  I have seen that it is incredibly messy and doesn’t always have a happy ending.  In fact, I would venture to say that most of the time the ending is far different than what we had hoped or expected. I think that if we are honest, all of us could say that at some point we have felt the heartache and pain of unmet expectations.  As small children, we have these dreams about life and how wonderful and perfect ours will be.  Sure there will be ups and downs, but there will always be happy music playing in the background and everything will turn out just fine.  As the years come our way, we start to realize that our version of happiness usually doesn’t exist, and often there is pain, and sometimes extreme suffering in relationships.

  This got me thinking about something a girlfriend of mine shared with me a few weeks ago.  Audra (who is my dear friend from college) and I try to talk fairly regularly.  Recently in one of our conversations she  brought to my attention the phrase “faithfully ever after.”  I believe it was from a book she was reading and was intended to take the place of “happily ever after.”  These words got my wheels turning.  

How would things be if we weren’t waiting our whole life for some happily ever after that would never come?  How would my life be? What if I changed the anthem of this journey from happily ever after to faithfully ever after?  

I have considered this for some time and what follows is my response- actually my prayer over my life and yours for that matter.  Thank you for reading.  Blessings over your home, blessings over your marriage.

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FAITHFULLY EVER AFTER

While the theme to live faithfully ever after could potentially be life changing in every respect, I am drawn to consider how it applies specifically to marriage. Marriage is absolutely the most lovely, yet painful human relationship there is.  To put it plainly, it is the ultimate call to die.  The whole concept puts the emphasis on being the one doing the loving, even if it comes at a cost.  It removes the opportunity to soak through the kleenex from the realization that you didn’t actually marry Russell Crowe or Channing Tatum’s character from Dear John (by the way I cried for three days after watching that stupid movie, it was ridiculous).  So what does it mean to intentionally focus on being faithful rather than experiencing Hollywood’s version of happy?  

 I acknowledge when we hear the term faithful when speaking about relationships, we think toward the sense of fidelity.  While this is undeniably applicable in a marriage, I would like to elaborate on how it pertains to being steadfast.  

To be steadfast means to be true, loyal, devoted or constant.  My prayer is that you may show mercy to your husband when your love tank feels empty.  May you be his loyal friend when you feel betrayed.  May you go to the altar of God and intercede on his behalf, even in times of anger.  May you release any expectations of an unrealistic fairy tale and trade them for a life of true devotion.  May you be a woman who remains gentle in times of disappointment.  A woman who willingly denies herself her own desires to be a peacemaker in times of conflict.  A woman who gives out of the depths of her inner being because the lover of her soul has filled her up in such a way that her ability to love is unstoppable.  May you be such a woman.  May I be such a woman.  

 To live faithfully ever after is a call to die to our flesh to serve a purpose that is 

beyond us, beyond this life. 

When things don’t go our way, when temptation is fierce, when our flesh cries out in anguish, the spirit of God that lives within us gives us the strength to be faithful.  When we force our flesh to be in submission to our spirit, this is a manner of being faithful to the One who gives us life.  And then He comes in and pours His mercy over us.  When we fail or when there are days that as a couple we just can’t seem to get on the same page, or somehow we just keep hurting one another over and again, our Savior allows us to redeem the day and begin anew.  

   We are able to begin again and again and again.  We do not lose sight of his goodness and his strength in us.  He is strength in our weakness.  2 Timothy 2:11-13 declares, “If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself.”  He is the missing piece to our faithfully ever after. 

The mysteries of God are truly glorious.  It takes faith to believe in him for our faithfulness.  We are told in the scriptures that we have the mind of Christ and the Spirit who intercedes on our behalf.  We have the power of the cross of Christ with whom nothing is impossible.  “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,” (2 Peter 1:3).  Christ is our faithfully ever after...

   Precious, loving Father, I am humbled by your goodness. I am in awe of your perfect plans for my life, by your sovereignty.  I know that you do all things well and that since the beginning of time you have intended that your children live with a steadfast perseverance.  Thank you for giving me a husband to love and serve, a man with whom I can pursue the cross, whom you have chosen to use to make me more like Jesus.

My heart overflows knowing that you give all things needed to accomplish your purposes for my life.  You sing over me with joy and give to me everything I need to serve others as if I were serving you.  Would you allow the fruits of the spirit to blossom and unfold in my life and make it one of service to my husband, my children, my family and friends.  You are my faithfully ever after which truly is the happiest of endings.

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So this week while I was working on this post, something quite interesting occurred.  My husband has been on a juice cleanse which means mostly no food, and absolutely no caffeine or drink other than water.  If you spend time with him on a regular basis, you know that he is incredibly laid back and super friendly.  Because of his diet, he has been somewhat irritable (I am not judging, I am cranky if I don’t get a coke!).  As an emotionally sensitive person who never wants anyone to be upset with me, especially my husband, I have been tested.  God has this awesome way of making us put our money where our mouth is.  I have had to recognize that its not about me and not let myself take it personally.  I am thankful for the grace that has allowed me to smile, offer a hug and supportive word rather than get angry and say something unkind.  I don’t always do this well, but was challenged this week after my whole faithfully ever after epiphany.  

I share all this to exhort you to think about your own relationship and how you can pursue faithfulness to your spouse even when it hurts.  I hope there is some practical way that we can take the initiative to offer grace and some loving act rather than waiting around to receive one first. Thank you again for taking the time to read this LONG post and for pondering my thoughts.  I am so thankful that God has given me a love for writing and has used this blog as a tender outlet of His work in me.  Shalom.

Bootstraps

I hesitated in making this post, I suppose out of fear.  Fear of what others may think or say.  Fear of judgement.  Fear of regret.  My mom encouraged me that all of my posts have been raw and that is what makes them "so neat" as she says.  So I'm posting.  Sharing what God is doing in my life and getting a grip on reality.  I told myself in  the beginning that I was going to be as transparent as I possibly could be and with that comes a harsh reality- we are all broken.  We all have our stuff.  We all need the beautiful redemption of being made whole.  I pray this post encourages you in knowing wherever you are, you are not alone.  Undoubtedly, someone in your own town is struggling with something that you are wrestling through as well.  Beyond that, you have a Heavenly Creator who longs to carry you through the desert and overwhelm you with His rest.  Be blessed my friends.  

June 1, 2012

  Today was one of those days I just woke up feeling blue. "Why?" you may ask?  Beats me.  But that's what happens with bouts of depression.  Floods of emotion that are irrational.  Sometimes no emotion at all.  Well, today I feel overcome with sadness. Sadness without despair.  I suppose if I think about it, I woke up thinking I had nowhere to go, and no one to see and nothing to do and that made me feel sad.  There was a time, only a few short weeks ago, when all of that sadness would be joined by guilt.  Its strange how that works.  I believe that's the enemy.  He likes to see God's children throwing pity parties.  He loves a "woe is me" event and likes to bring gifts:  guilt, shame, regret, despair, hopelessness.  He is such a good liar. 

Anyway, it's just one of those days.  It is one of those days where I feel lonely even though my children are around me.  It is one of those days where I feel without purpose and like I have nothing to offer the world.  One of those days that I would love to stuff my face in front of long movies while burying myself under blankets on the couch.  One of those days where I wonder how a redeemed, forgiven, beloved child of God could ever feel this way.  I hate these days. I loathe them. They are unproductive and disappointing and sad.  

And yet, there is hope.

I make a choice.  I choose to put on my big girl panties on and rebuke all of those lies the enemy wants me to believe.  I choose to get dressed (not in pajamas) and bury myself in truth.  I choose to move forward and call upon my Jesus to rescue me and love me through this day.  I choose to love on my children and cling to the Word.   I choose to pull out my teeny tiny fraction of a mustard seed that tells me that God will comfort me and strengthen me and give me life.  That He is able to move this mountain and bury it beneath the sea.  I choose to run into His fortress and let Him save me, (He's pretty good at it by the way).  And I choose to share my struggle, what so often feels like a thorn in the flesh, to break free from it.  I choose to share because I know that I am not the only girl who has this mile marker on her journey.  I choose to share in an effort to cry out from the depths of my soul and expose the darkness.  I choose to walk in the light.   I cling to it.  I cling so tightly in hopes and even faith that days like today will cease to exist for me. 

 The bible says that the truth will set you free.  I realize there must be extremely deep theological explanations for that statement, but as a simpleton, I think that if I am honest about my mess it opens the door to freedom. I think if we are aware of the weight of the chains we are carrying around,  the release will be that much more glorious.  I am aware that the enemy tries to shackle us. He is on a mission to steal, kill, and destroy. I imagine he takes great satisfaction in wounded warriors, those who have let their light burn out or are weary from battle.  I assume there are some that get so weary they choose to give up.  I don't know about you, but I want to be the kind of warrior that is untouchable for the enemy, the kind that he doesn't even mess with anymore because he knows he will never win.  I want to be faithful and fierce and immune to his attacks.  I choose to believe that I can put on my armor, pull up my bootstraps and  swing my heart out.  I choose to submit myself to the authority of the Lord, claim His promises over my home, and I most certainly choose to fight.